A Spark of a Memory
by SilvertonguedClotpole
Summary: Arthur had always lashed out when he was angry, but the most recent outburst might be his worst yet. Merlin now lies dying, and all Arthur can do is battle with himself, at what he'd been brought up to believe about sorcerers. All Merlin wanted before he died was to explain and to say goodbye, so maybe, by some miracle he...(cont inside)
1. Senses

Summary (too small a box imo) _Arthur lashed out when he was angry, he always had, but the most recent outburst might be his worst yet. Merlin now lies dying, and all Arthur can do is battle with himself, at what he'd been brought up to believe about sorcerers. All Merlin wanted before he died was to explain and to say goodbye, so maybe, by some miracle he would be able to, as well as cease his King's troubled heart in the process...a spark ignites memories, they say. _

Hello. Normal author's notes, I don't own Merlin sadly and this hasn't been beta'd so all mistakes my own. This will have short chapters, it's just the way I've written it, sorry. Hope you enjoy. :)

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It was a widely popular belief that when you were stabbed, the world slowed down and all your senses ceased to work, sounds became muffled, lights became darker, and pain didn't kick in until much later on, when the adrenaline had stopped pumping. Or, at least, this was what Merlin was led to believe. He'd been injured before, a cut here or there, a bit of a nasty shoulder wound once, and he'd lost count of the head injuries, and they hurt, they all had, so how he had thought that an entire sword through his abdomen would be less painful flummoxed him entirely. This was one moment where the countless 'idiot' accusations thrown his way were about spot on; a sword, an entire blade, sharpened on all edges, meant to deal deathly blows, and he expected it to be quite a relaxing experience, nothing more than a light paper cut...clotpole indeed.

The slow motion came right before the sword plunged into his gut, right at the time Arthur strode towards him, anger and disappointment on his face, tears of shock long dried, replaced by bright red cheeks, wide sapphire eyes and one of the most terrifying war cries Merlin had ever witnessed come out of his mouth. It all moved so slowly he felt he should have been able to move out of the way, just, merely step to the side as Arthur barged past into the column behind. But it didn't work like that, it worked like one of those dreams where you're being chased, and the murderer or bad guy were going so slow it should have been a doddle to race out of their grasp, but you're going slow too, far more slower than you would like. Merlin always hated the sensation, it was like you were running your hardest, putting as much force into it as you'd ever put in before, but not one small movement was made, you were stuck, on that one spot, and if you did move off it, you moved only a centimetre in front of yourself. That was how it felt, to stand on the spot, shouting and screaming at his mind to just move, _move you fool_, step to the side, _either side will do, just move!_ But he didn't, he couldn't. Arthur screamed, letting go of his fury as he moved forward, light catching his sword, glinting off and into Merlin's eyes, but he didn't react, he was frozen, his body was lead, and his gaze was stuck on the painful expression etched onto his friend's face. It was hard to pinpoint one, it moved through hundreds in mere seconds, but the one that hurt most was the betrayal. Never had he expected it to go well, Arthur finding out, he'd dreamed of it many times, nearly every night, but not one time did it end in Arthur smiling, accepting him and pulling him into a friendly hug- well, it did once, but the hug was a ruse and dream Arthur had stabbed him in the back, literally. Every single time it had hurt Merlin to see the anger on his King's face, but the look he was given, the real look painted on Arthur's face right there in that moment, had been like a thousand burning knives to his chest.

All he had thought would happen when the sword entered his body, the slowing down of time, the ceasing of his senses, occurred just before, in those few seconds that seemed like a lifetime right before Arthur stood in front of him and the tip of Excalibur protruded from his back. That all changed then, time seemed to speed up, his eyes hurt from the light, however dull it was in the darkened chamber, his ears screamed out in agony as a result of Arthur's fury just a few seconds prior and his head thumped with every heartbeat. He didn't cry out though, or scream, for his entire energy seemed to seep out of him and it was all he could muster to look into Arthur's eyes, those fantastically bright blue eyes, and whisper,

"I am so sorry."


	2. Realisation

_Thank you so much to **mersan123, Corey YoungBlood, zendog** and **1983Sarah** for reviewing. A couple (if not all of you) mentioned 'death fic or not?' and without wanting to give too much away my ending is planned but I am now thinking of adding an alternative one too so you may get both. Thanks for the support and I hope the rest doesn't let you down. I also wish to apologise again for the shortness of chapters, hopefully I will update more often to make up for it. As always I don't own Merlin and this isn't beta'd so all mistakes my own. Anyway, chapter 2, enjoy. _

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Arthur heard boots long before they entered his chambers, they echoed from corridors away as the group ran. There would be no doubt they had heard the argument, and the shouting and the screaming. They would have been in the chamber below, and although a savage storm battled its way through Camelot, all windows were open thanks to the sweltering heat that plagued them; Gauis had said the heat was probably the cause of the storm in the first place. Whilst the walls and floors were thick enough to block sounds from room to room, the windows and wind helped carry them, especially to those chambers surrounding the King's. Everyone knew the King and his servant argued, it was common knowledge, and a running joke with all of their friends how the pair argued like schoolgirls or, god forbid, a married couple, but never had anyone heard such a commotion as what had just occurred. Plates had smashed, armour had gone flying and both men's voices could be heard. The most worrying part, was how Arthur's anger was far more evident than usual, and how Merlin's voice had been almost terrified, screaming for mercy and forgiveness at times. The King was well aware of it himself, so knew those closest to the pair would have heard it all too.

He was still stood in front of Merlin's petrified eyes, sword still in place and growing more and more scarlet by the second when the door to his chambers burst open, and the group he had heard long ago came barging in.

_"We heard shouting." "What happened?" "What's the idiot done now?"_ Were all among the comments and questions. The way they were all positioned meant that Arthur's body was hiding the horror of what he had done from their friends; the group of knights, Gwen and Gauis, had no idea his sword was embedded firmly into Merlin's gut.

"Look, mate..." This was Gwaine. "...whatever's gone on...I'm sure there's no need to take it out on Merlin. That right Merl?"

Arthur choked back a sob, the first he'd allowed since the anger took over. It was like the time he had been tricked into killing his father, and he stood over his body, sword held high, ready to be plunged down. It had been Merlin who had talked him out of it then, managed to snap him out of whatever state he had gotten into and realise it wasn't necessary. Why hadn't Merlin talked him out of it this time? Why hadn't he worked his way through to him, to persuade him to spare the servant, or at least throw him in a cell until he had chance to think it over?

_"I deserve this...I deserve all of this."_

The memory echoed in his mind, it was the only time his heart had tried to fight his anger, seeing Merlin crying like he had, completely guilty of all he'd done. Arthur had had a moment of doubt, that maybe Merlin was telling the truth and his magic was good but his fury had taken over too quickly for him to process anything. Merlin felt he deserved to be killed...and that hurt Arthur more than he ever thought it could. Merlin! Merlin his best friend, the man who knew some of the deepest, darkest secrets of Arthur Pendragon, who knew all his weaknesses and strengths, and who had watched him grow from a selfish, childish Prince, into a strong-minded, compassionate King, who cared for all within his kingdom. The man in front of him had had all the time in the world, all the opportunities to kill him, or ruin his reign, to corrupt the power and control of the younger Pendragon. And countless of times, Merlin had been there to save Arthur, to stop him destroying his own life or spoiling future chances of power and peace between kingdoms. No-one would have been sane enough to stick by him that long with the intention of killing him and not doing so within the first year of knowing him, especially not 10!

"Oh god..." He let go of the hilt of the sword.

"Arthur?" Leon asked from behind.

"What have I done?"

Slowly, he backed away from Merlin, his feet stumbling over one another until his back hit something and he slid down it, never taking his eyes off the younger man. It was then that people noticed the sword, the blood, the even paler face of their friend, yet the boy's gaze held strong, still staring into his King's, blue on blue, sorrow, anger, and regret on scared, apologetic and despair.

"I'm sorry." Merlin managed again.

"Stop saying that." Arthur spat back. His anger starting to return.

Arthur tried to block out Merlin's pained gasps, and forced himself to look away, to the ground beside him, but this only resulted in him finally hearing their friends' responses. Gwen was crying, gasping for breaths around the panic, Gauis was mumbling something resembling 'no, not this way, no...' and Gwaine merely shouted, "WHAT DID YOU DO?". The knight raced towards Merlin, just as his knees finally gave way, he caught his friend before his legs hit the ground and lowered him as gently as possible, minding the sword that was still fast in his body. By this point, Merlin was trembling, his face winced every few seconds, and a sheen of sweat had covered his face and hair.

Gwaine turned to him, with more ferocity than anyone had ever seen come from the gentle Knight, "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!?"


	3. Delicate

_Thanks once again to reviewers/followers/favourites they mean a lot to me, and chapter 2 reviewers Cathywren and mersan123 and bubzchoc_,_ thanks. :) Chapter 3 and everytime I read through these it hits me how small they are so once again I'm so sorry. Normal applies, no beta so all mistakes my own and I sadly don't own Merlin. Enjoy. _

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The rumours were all lies, your senses didn't dwindle to nothing when you were seriously hurt, they heightened even more so than usual, and the pain was present as soon as Arthur stabbed him, there was no calming sensation as his body processed what had happened. Merlin wished more than anything people would stop shouting though, yet, in fairness, he actually thought only Gwaine was shouting at this point. But every bang and clatter, every cry or, even, word, clanged in his mind like someone banging bells together right next to his ears, the pain sparked lights behind his eyes, moving all over his head. Each time the thunder crashed overhead, it reverberated through the citadel, through every corridor, within the courtyard outside and straight into Merlin's ears. It was so painful. His ears rang, not just from the here and now but from the memory of Arthur's furious scream minutes ago, and from the smashing of the door on impact with the wall as their friends rushed in. Everytime Gwaine moved or touched a new area of his body, it tingled, and spasmed, so tender like he'd been on the training ground all day and had taken a beating. Although Merlin's eyes were now shut tight against the pain, the flashes of the lightning still stung, burning his eyes and just fueling the headache that threatened to split his skull in half. He knew he was wincing, but he couldn't help it...he had been stabbed after all!

Gwaine repositioned himself around Merlin so the younger man was more comfortably resting on the Knight's body, but the jolt rippled up and down him and he couldn't repress the cry of pain as it ripped from his mouth.

"Ah, fuck, I'm sorry Merlin, jeez, I'm...so stupid." Gwaine pushed some of the already soddened hair from Merlin's forehead and cupped his cheek as he looked into his eyes. "Gaius?" He asked, without taking his eyes off his friend, and gods would he stop raising his voice? It hurt so much. Merlin must have made a face for his friend lowered his voice and said "Sorry, I'll quit with the shouting shall I?" Surprisingly, the warlock managed a small laugh and nodded, though it didn't help the lights dancing behind his eyes. As the small exchange took place, Merlin felt a sudden new presence to his right side.

"Oh my boy. My boy." Gaius then.

"What can we do?" Gwaine asked, far quieter than before making Merlin want to smile despite his growing tiredness.

He didn't see the shake of the old man's head, but he heard as his clothes rubbed together with the movement. "Nothing." It was quieter than a whisper, and full of such misery Merlin felt this whole ordeal was his fault- or was it?

"What!?" The shouting was back, yet the knight realised quickly, screwed his face up in regret and covered Merlin's ears, as if to stop the sound reaching them. _Bit too late for that mate_, Merlin thought to himself.

When Gaius next spoke, his voice sounded slightly further away, like he'd turned away from his protege. Judging by what Merlin heard, the man had indeed turned to speak to someone else. "I am assuming you know, and that is what has occurred here?"

The elderly man turned back to him, looking over his wound but now talking to Gwaine. "I am afraid this is the worst way for Merlin to be injured. I do not wish to explain everything now, so all you need to know is that Merlin is very special, and the quickest, most successful way to kill him is with this sword." Gaius swallowed hard, the slight crack in his voice now evident. "There is no way to reverse the effects."

Merlin knew all of this, he had accepted all of this as soon as Arthur had drawn his sword, but the shock from those around him was like another sword to his wound, it hurt him to hear their reactions. They still didn't understand, and he could tell many of them were mad they didn't know what was happening, but they grieved all the same. The gravity of the situation was simple, within the next hour, more likely the next few minutes, they were going to watch their friend die, with nothing to be done to prevent it. Once again, Merlin felt guilty he had burdened them with this. He shouldn't have been stupid enough to let himself get hurt, shouldn't have placed this on Arthur and then everyone else wouldn't have had to watch him die. Damn him and his stupidity. _You never knew this was to happen, how can you blame yourself, this isn't your fault_...A part of him whispered.

_Isn't everything my fault?_ The other part answered resolutely.


	4. Reasons

_I just wholeheartedly want to say thank you so much to reviewers, I end up smiling at my emails when they come through and it makes me so happy. Some familiar names reviewing now so thank you for sticking with me, I really hope the rest doesn't disappoint. One review (saroura92 ) asked how Merlin could think it was his fault, and I always felt, at least with earlier series', that Merlin took things to heart, felt that everything that went wrong was because he'd messed it up. And that the burden he felt shouldn't have to bring others down too, so when it does, he blames himself. Ouch, some Merlin angst there, but that's only my opinion/headcannon. And Lynda, guest, asking will he survive..if I told you that, I might have to kill...Merlin. ;) _  
_A slightly longer chapter today (I know, shock horror) with some Arthur angst. The usual of no beta so all mistakes my own and I don't own Merlin or any other characters. Hope you enjoy._

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"No...no, no this cannot be happening. I do not understand, why can't he be helped?" Gwen finally spoke up, and Arthur saw from the corner of his eye she was being held up by Elyan.

"It's a sword wound Gwen, front to back, you know nothing can be done. It's a miracle he's still alive." Elyan answered, kissing his sister's temple and softly stroking her hair, though tears fell down his own cheeks too.

"But what did Gaius mean? What was he talking about?" She turned to him. "Arthur?"

Arthur was still slumped, curled in on himself from grief. Anger still surged through him, like fire in his veins, but as he watched the colour draining evermore from Merlin's face, and the light leaving his eyes, he couldn't help but regret his actions.

_Sorcerer's need punishing._

He's my friend.

_They will always trick you._

But he'd proved himself more times than all of my knights.

_To get to you, to weaken you. To gain your trust._

He has my trust. Always.

_That's when they strike, like a snake._

No! He would have done it by now.

_Would he?_

Merlin has saved my life, if he wanted me dead why save it?

_SORCERER!_

"I am happy to be your servant until the day I die."  
"I swear I will protect you or die at your side."

_Lies._

This isn't right, none of this makes sense.

_Treachery. Kill him. Let him die a painful death, the death he deserves._

He doesn't deserve this.

"I deserve this, I'm a monster."

No you're not Merlin, no you're not!

And with that, Arthur lunged forward, pulling Merlin from Gwaine's hold, despite his pained moans and the angry protests from the knight.

"What have I done. What have I done. What have I done." As he drew himself and Merlin's now ragdoll like body backwards, he wrenched the sword from his friend, throwing it across the room where it skidded to a halt, a trail of blood in its wake.

"Merlin. Look at me, please. Please look at me Merlin." Arthur had arranged the bodies so Merlin was sprawled face first over his chest, their legs entwined and the raven haired man's arms dangling loosely behind and to the side of him. The boy's head was just below Arthur's chin, one hand holding him up, the other carding through his sweat soaked hair.

"I...I never, never, never...oh god...I never wanted this. I was a fool, I overreacted, I'm sorry. Please don't leave me." Arthur was far past being embarrassed for crying in front of his friends, and so, he brought Merlin ever closer to him and let the tears fall as he buried his face in the black locks.

"I don't know about anyone else but I'm still waiting for an explanation." Gwaine had stood now, sternly looking over the pair with Merlin's blood soaked into his pale shirt. His face was a mask of fury, obviously aimed on his King, but underneath, anyone could clearly detect the fond farewell that was mentally taking place for his friend, no, his brother.

Arthur stiffened for a second, bringing his head away from Merlin but only allowing his eyes to look as far up as the knights' boots. He thought things through, his eyes flicking left to right with the decision. Finally he spoke. "Merlin's a sorcerer."

"What?" Leon stepped forward gently from the group. "Excuse me sire, I believe you just said sorcerer?"

"I did."

Silence across the room except for Merlin's ragged breathing.

"I found out earlier this evening. A strike of lightning hit right outside, and an off shoot of it jumped in, I believe my sword and armour attracted it as I was stood next to the window. You know how quick lightning is, happens in a blink, but everything seemed to slow down, it took far longer to reach me and in that time Merlin pulled me away. I dropped all my weapons, and the bolt hit my sword instead. When I turned to him, his eyes were gold. I knew...everything clicked into place and I knew."

"He saved you." Gaius whispered.

"Yes."

"And you ran him through?" Gwaine protested rudely, not caring he was speaking to his King.

"I ran him through because he'd lied, because he is the thing I have been taught to hate, to fear, to destroy. I was angry and bitter and repulsed I had allowed this to happen for so long, for him to get so close to me. All I know about magic is bad, every experience in my life has lead to death, to grief, betrayal and pure heartache. My mother died because of it, my father died because of it, I lost my sister to it, she became the darkest example of how bad magic is. My kingdom, the people I care about most have all been victim to it, for too long. Do you know how many children I've seen killed? Or how many grieving mothers I've tried my best to console? Because they were killed through magic. I nearly lost Gwen through it, and many of you knights, heck, even Merlin was nearly lost to it. It's all I've ever known, to hate it. The last person I was close to who practiced magic became my biggest enemy, she still is, to this day, so I can assume even you can imagine what I thought. I had no time to slow down and think, I've always been taught to trust my first instinct, and that was to hurt him, to make sure he couldn't hurt me. We fought, he defended himself, I screamed pure nonsense in my anger and didn't listen to a word he said. But do you know what? He never once made it seem like he was scared of death, not for his sake anyway, he was more concerned with leaving me, with failing his 'duty' to protect me and care for me. He wasn't afraid of the pyre, he was afraid of leaving his friends behind, his mother. 'I deserve this', he said to me, 'monsters deserve to be punished and killed'. I wasn't able to see past my anger, white hot rage, that's all it was in that moment and I hurt him...I...I've killed him."

"What would you have done?" Percival said, his voice low and thoughtful.

Arthur was confused. "Pardon?"

"Now...if you hadn't have hurt him, if you were both stood here now, having thought it over. What would you have done?"

He thought, the silence growing far more uncomfortable as he thought it over. "I..I...well, for a start I'd talk to him. Give him chance to explain everything, plead his side of the story. Then, I would either send him to the cells for the night, or more likely just back to his chambers, just while I thought it all through. I'd get as much information from everyone else as possible and..."

"There you go then sire." The large knight interrupted, though still with no malice.

"What?"

"You'd have given him a chance. That's your answer."

"But I didn't did I? I got angry and all of that...none of it even occurred to me. And just look. Look..." The tears overwhelmed him, his grief far surpassed his anger now and he regretted every word he'd said to Merlin, every time he'd thrown something at him or pushed him against a wall in what seemed like a lifetime back but was in fact only just a short half hour ago.

Merlin was to die, there was no doubt, and even now he could feel the boy getting colder and growing weaker in his arms. Merlin was to die, and the last words he had heard from his King, _from his friend_, would be 'I wish I had never laid eyes on you, you bastard'.

Arthur cried tears anew, all the guilt washing over him, coursing through him like water quenching the fires of anger that burned there before. He was going to lose one of the most important people in his life, the people in the room were going to lose their best friend, the person they loved dearly, and all because of him. They would never forgive him. He would never forgive himself. And so, as his heart broke into more pieces than he ever thought possible, he dropped his head onto Merlin's now cold, damp brow, tears mixing with those of his friend's, hands grasping and stroking his face, his arms, his body, trying their best to cover the wound that was pouring with blood. And as he closed his eyes, to pray to any god listening to watch over the man in his arms, light began to dance, to spark and only those looking on saw the pair encased in a veil of glowing dust.

Arthur, on the other hand, fell into oblivion.


	5. Going Under

_Thank you soooo much to reviewers hugs to you all. A few random comments that answer most of you...I'm still not giving anything away about if he survives, sorry guys. :( and __**if **__I am to cure him, it won't be too soon and there'll be a bit more to it than just Arthur's forgiveness healing him. :) I'm also glad people are enjoying seeing both POV's of Arthur and Merlin. But I still REALLY hope the rest isn't a let down, I'm always worried about that, but I am a paranoid person so..._

_And I know this chapter is unbelievably, ridiculously, sickeningly short but I promise the next will be up in less than 24 hours as recompense. As normal no beta so all mistakes my own and I sadly don't own Merlin or anything associated with him and the show._

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Merlin had passed out long ago, yet he vaguely heard the words spoken by his once friend, words of regret and sorrow. He wanted to just wake up, one more time, to tell him it wasn't his fault, that Merlin should never have placed such a burden on his shoulders. Never should a person have to choose such a fate for their friend. He also wanted to tell everyone else it was ok, that they shouldn't be mad at Arthur and that he was going to Avalon, he would be with Freya, and Will, and his Father and everything would be just fine. He'd warn them, tell them to look out for one another, to watch over Arthur now that he couldn't. But mostly, he would just say goodbye.

It was only when a warmth spread over his body that he was scared. Fear took him as he felt his own magic blanketing his body, and stretching out to something beyond him...or someone. He was scared the end was here, and it was all over without him saying what he wanted, but mostly, he was scared that his magic was clearly grasping on to someone else and not just him.

Why?

What for?

Don't pull someone else into oblivion.

And though his eyes were closed, he was blinded by a light piercing his lids, and the all too familiar sensation of his powers taking over.


	6. Memories

_Hey guys, here I am, as promised, within 24 hours :) Ok, now this chapter...I'm not 100% happy with it (then again I never am) but this one just irks me a bit more. In fairness I didn't know how to write this one, without giving too much away at the beginning it's basically inside Merlin's memories so they flash by really quickly and are sort of from his POV but also as if someone else were stood next to Merlin during the events and watching :S If it really confuses anyone message/comment and I'll try and be a bit clearer. Also the spells I got from Merlin Wiki so they aren't spot on and most of them are the 'phonetic spelling', so how we heard the lovely Colin pronouncing them. I haven't included every single episode or spell but a lot of the main ones and to put into perspective a bit, this fic is sort of based around the beginning of S5 but not too far into it. Anyway, shut up me, normal AN apply, no beta so mistakes all my own and sadly I don't own Merlin or anything affiliated with it. :(_

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_A knife was hurtling towards Arthur and he wasn't going to move in time. Move you idiot. There was shock, all around the room as they watched the object fly in the direction of their prince. Magic coursed through the sorcerer's body, slowing the pace and time, to judge the accuracy of the weapon. It was spot on. Without the knowledge of anyone, he used it, used the advantage to throw the prince out of the way and get him to safety. Without his magic, the boy would be dead._

* * *

_Valiant's shield came to life. It killed his victims, poisoned them, paralysed them. The snakes. They were real. But no-one knew, only Merlin and everyone else thought he was an idiot- Arthur included. _**Berbay odothay arisan quicken.** **Berbay odothay arisan quicken.** **Berbay odothay arisan quicken.**_ The snakes came to life, everyone saw. Merlin wasn't an idiot and the prince was safe._

* * *

_The griffin was ransacking Camelot, killing so many, with so many more injured. There was nothing any of them could do; soon, they would all be dead. Uther had sent Arthur to fight it, he'd sent his only son to destroy the indestructible, and what would that achieve? Only the definite downfall of their great kingdom. Merlin had to act, he had to do what was right damned the consequences. He wasn't going to let Arthur or any of his other men die. And Lancelot...oh Lancelot! Arthur was down, the knights were down, only Lancelot still stood and his weapon was nowhere near strong enough. _**Bregdan anweald gafeluc!**_ Finally, the griffin fell._

* * *

_Sophia. Arthur didn't love her, he couldn't. It wasn't right and something was very, very wrong. Her father was going to kill him, exchange his soul for immortality. Arthur was going to die- again. He was running out of time, and he didn't know how to stop this. The staff. The Sidhe staff! _**Swilte, gold beorþ.**_ Aulfric was dead, but Arthur was still in trouble. _**Acwele!**_ And now Sophia was no more. But Arthur was already under, he was already drowning. No spell could stop that, except the embrace of a protector- Merlin.  
_

* * *

_The Questing Beast- don't let it touch him, don't let the talons anywhere near him. But it all moved so fast, it all became a blur and Arthur was caught, he was scratched...he was dying. _**Fleoge! Bregdan anweald gafeluc!** _The beast was dead, but it was too late, he was losing Arthur. No amount of Gauis' remedies would work, there was no potion to save him, the man wasn't even sure magic could do any good now. But he must try, Merlin must try. _**Gestepe hole! Þurhhæle!**_ Please. Please. Heal him! But there was nothing. "The cup of life." "The only chance." Of course Merlin would give his life. But his life it did not take. His mother...then Gauis...NO. Nimueh had to die. And die she did.  
_

* * *

_Myror, the assassin, he was set to kill Arthur with one more blow. A strike and the prince would be dead. _**Onbinde þa téage.**_ The saddle broke, the assassin fell and Arthur was safe._

* * *

_He had to get them out, all of them. Lancelot, Gwen and Arthur. But they were trapped, the wilddeoren was about to attack and there were too many bandits around. A distraction! _**Ic bebíede fealle.**_ The chandelier broke them all apart, they could run. Hengist's men began to follow, they would soon catch up- but not if they were trapped with the beast in his cell. _**Lease fearnancai!**_ He'd got them out, all of them.  
_

* * *

_The dragon. It had destroyed Camelot. There was no running, no stopping him, no saviour. Balinor was dead-his father was dead. The man who had saved Arthur's life and who was meant to save everyone else. But Merlin had let him die, he'd been stupid. "You are the dragonlord now." "Only you can stop this." How could he? He was just a boy? He had to summon the power, the courage, the strength. It was all on him, if he didn't do this they would all suffer, all die. _  
**Dragorn. Non didlkai. Kari miss, epsipass imalla krat. Katostar abore ceriss. Katicur. Me ta sentende divoless. Kar… krisass. **

_Camelot was safe. And Merlin was the last dragonlord._

* * *

_Arthur had to do this alone. He had to find the Golden Trident of the Fisher King and all by himself. But the bracelet, the one Morgana had given him, it was going to weaken him, make sure he couldn't fight whatever threat was sent his way. He had to find him, he had to save him. Gwaine was a godsend, helping him when he needed it most. But he'd almost failed, Arthur was too weak, there were wyverns and it all looked hopeless. _**Nun de ge dei s'eikein kai emois epe'essin hepesthai!** _They scattered and he found Arthur just in time. All was well._

* * *

_They were on the trail. Julius Borden wanted the dragon egg, lord only knows what he planned to do with it but they had to stop him. Arthur wanted it destroyed; Merlin wanted it saved. But none of that mattered if his King and Knights died. They'd been poisoned. _**Ic þe þurhhæle þin licsare!** _That's it, breath, get better. He wasn't going to lose Arthur, and neither was he going to lose his band of brothers._

* * *

_Once again Morgana's taken control. She has Camelot and Arthur's men have been overrun. He knows his only chance is to weaken her powers, she can't fight an army on her own in that state. _**Ontend eallne thaes drycraeftes hire sawle!** _It will give them an advantage, once the poppet draws her energy, all her magic will dwindle. And then they attack._

* * *

_Merlin had done so much...so many more images flew by one after another and it hadn't been just Arthur he had saved. _  
_He had brought Morgana back despite knowing what she would become; Merlin's heart really was too forgiving. _  
_He had tried to save Uther, almost succeeding if it were not for Morgana's spell. _  
_Gwen had been saved, not just from injury but from execution, for Merlin changed his form, distracted Uther from Gwen and gave him another, more obvious sorcerer to burn instead. _  
_The Knights would be dead twice over now if it weren't for Merlin, and neither would he have so many as his loyal subjects if it weren't for the boy. _  
_Knives, arrows, axes, swords. All pointed or flying in the direction of the king, only to be stopped, or changed into a totally different direction by Merlin's power. _  
_Wounds, infections, poisons, all forced out by Merlin's hand, healed and expelled. A couple of memories flashed, with sorrow in Merlin's eyes as the wounds did not heal, did not mend, but the trust of druids and sorcerers alike proved themselves, doing the more powerful work for him. They would not have done so if Merlin was not who he was, if he was just a poor servant looking out for his King. But no, Merlin was meant to change it all, make things better, save the innocent magic users. They did many things for him, and for the King who would carry out the changes. The two who would be their saviours. _  
_The Afanc, so early on in Merlin's time at Camelot, it had taken hold of the city, poisoning their people, but Merlin defeated it, _**Lyft sy þe in bǽlwylm ac forhienan se wiðere!**_ And he saved Gwen's father too, knowing she could not take his death._  
_All those times Arthur jested with Merlin for standing around during attacks, for not fending off bandits or enemy knights, but he had, he had knocked down enemies, he had forced them to flee. The odd branch falling was no coincidence, or a man dying with a knife in his back coming from an unknown source was no longer such a mystery. It had been Merlin. _**Forbærne firgenholt.**_ The branch burned and fell, the bandit was down and out. _  
_Even when Merlin was hurt, when he needed Arthur to get him back to Camelot, he put the man first. The men were after them, they had him, but he knew they wanted Arthur. Before they could reach him, Merlin blocked their path, he made the rocks fall so they couldn't get to his friend. _**Gewican ge stanas!**_ Arthur would not be hurt this day, even if he himself was. _  
_Lancelot gave his life to heal the veil, to stop the Dorocha, but it had been Merlin who was planning to do so, he was meant to spare Arthur, to get him back safe but the Knight had beat him._  
_He had broken enchantments._  
_He had revealed the truth when no-one else could see it._  
_He had killed the biggest threats to Camelot and to Arthur._  
_Nimueh._  
_Near enough killing Morgause._  
_Poisoning Morgana to break a sleeping curse on the kingdom, despite his heart breaking as she died in his arms._  
_He had distracted guards and soldiers to save the people he cared for._  
_When Sigan's soul was set free, it had been Merlin who had trapped it back inside its crystal prison, fighting with all his strength to not be taken over by its power._  
_And of course, Merlin had created the most powerful weapon to ever exist, a weapon designed only for Arthur's hand. The sword could kill the most powerful beasts or sorcerers, it could cut through enchanted, immortal armies and kill wraiths not meant to die. The weapon was forged in a dragon's breath, and Merlin had created it, he had hidden it and reunited it with Arthur when he needed it most. That sword had never left his side since and, like Merlin, it was his saviour._

~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~

The memories stopped, but the pain stayed, the pain of having to kill so many people, to maim them in order to save the King. Such things would surely have eaten away at the boy for years, for such an innocent could not be expected to carry such grief; such a burden. Merlin had lost his own share of loved ones, Will, Freya and Balinor, he'd had to say goodbye to Lancelot twice. Arthur saw it all, he felt it all and his heart ached for his friend.

As the emotions broke and faded as the memories had done a few seconds before, darkness took hold. It was pure black, no light, no sound, not a single breeze. Was this death? And if it was, why was he here? He had only been holding Merlin minutes prior. But Arthur no longer felt like he was in his own body, afterall, had he not just ran through Merlin's memories? How could he do that in his own body?

As he looked around a strangely familiar light caught his attention. It was the orb, the blue orb that had guided him from the spider infested cave that Nimueh had led him into, the one time Merlin had been the one dying. It glowed with hope, and peace, and made him feel safe, just as it had before, all those years ago. He knew he had to follow it, and follow it he did. The trek was long, or so it seemed, but eventually another light swept into his vision, right behind the blue, and engulfed him.

* * *

_Once again I REALLY hope this wasn't too confusing or strange or whatever, but any questions are welcome, no shying away. And for extra resources/source info I used the Merlin wiki spells page (I haven't mastered successfully posting links on here so I'm afraid you'll have to search it yourselves.)  
_


	7. Remorse

_Hello everybody. Chapter 7 here. Thank you ever so much to reviews they mean a lot, and I usually reply personally to you all but I haven't had as much time lately, though I will try my best soon! Because you're all so awesome. :) But yes, here's the next chapter and as normal, no beta so all mistakes my own and I sadly don't own Merlin._

* * *

Through the light, the darkness ebbed away, the cold grew back into the heat of the storm filled citadel, the sounds that consumed him were crashes of thunder, weeping from his friends and his own grief stricken sobs and as he opened his eyes they fell on the now wet (from both tears and sweat) hair of Merlin. From the corner of his eye a light glowed and pulsated like a dull, weak, heartbeat, and as his eyes roamed the room he set them on the same old blue orb, perched firmly on Merlin's open palm. His breath caught in his throat and was taken from him as if he'd been hit in the stomach. One final memory flashed across his eyes with the lightning, Merlin, it had been Merlin guiding Arthur out of the cave, even when he had been wracked with fever, when he had been unconscious, and most important, when he had been dying.

"It was you. All of it...was you." He whispered, his head still leant on Merlin's.

"Sire? What just happened?" Leon asked, pulling Arthur from his reverie.

"I honestly don't know how to tell you without it sounding utterly ridiculous."

"Try us. 'Cos all we saw was the two of you covered in what I can only assume was magic and then you seemed to fall into some deep sleep or something." Gwaine was still angry, that much was certain, but now his voice was laced with the slightest hint of worry, and not just towards Merlin.

"I think I was in his memories. All of them, or at least the most important ones where he saved me, and all of you, my father too, gods, even Morgana. Everytime he used magic to help us, I saw it, I felt his fear and sadness when he had to kill someone. All this time I thought I had a burden to carry but Merlin...Merlin's is almost the weight of the world."

Gaius stepped forward, it was clear he wanted to watch every breath Merlin took, but he forced himself to look his King in the eye. "So you know all he has done? You know the truth and accept it?"

"I have been blinded by hatred Gaius. All this time I was taught to hate people like Merlin, without knowing them. Had he told me the first time I met him I would have killed him instantly, but now, now I know him, I know _him_, it's all so different."

"Yet you still ran him through."

"Gwaine!" Leon warned.

"No." Arthur corrected. "Gwaine's right, I did. And if I could change anything in my entire life it would be this, most definitely this!" His free hand swept back to Merlin's hair, tangling his fingers within it and just ruffling the locks, both in comfort and grief.

The room fell silent, all occupants thinking over their time with the young man and how important he was to them. More tears fell as the thunder continued to crash and the lightning lit up the dark shadows already forming under their eyes. What no-one had seen, however, was the constant crackle of sparks jumping from Excalibur, the ones that had done so ever since she was struck, that had entered the sorcerer's body when she had and had started reacted with his magic almost instantly.

* * *

_Ok, so recently, my brain decided it wanted to add some more to this story so it quickly went from being 90% written to about 70% written. Though I am getting through it quite well (oh heck I've probably just jinxed it), but if I don't update for 2 weeks please hound me. I'm starting to catch up to where I've written up to which is why I'm not updating quite as quickly. But hopefully I won't be away too long. So, yeah, to iterate, if I don't update for 2 weeks please just start badgering me until I do._


	8. Fate

_**Thank you so much for reviews, honestly you are all so wonderful and I sit reading them with a smile on my face and sometimes even tears (and I will get round to replying to as many as possible soon). Usual note apply, no beta so any mistakes are my own and I sadly don't own Merlin. And introducing a new character...well, we already know them but they're new to 'A Spark'. Hope you enjoy. :)**_

* * *

The energy from lightning crackles, but you have to be extremely quick or close to hear it, and usually, such an advantage, gets you killed. But it does, it crackles and fizzles, and some of it even sounds quite musical. What was strange, however, was that this sensation was currently surging through Merlin, he could hear it in his ears and his fingers tingled with it. He couldn't understand, he hadn't been struck. The closest he'd come was when Arthur's sword was hit; maybe it was an affect of being so close to it?

There wasn't anything where Merlin was, though where Merlin was was an entirely different question- he had no idea. It was pitch black, there was no sound or movement except his own and even that confused him, for it didn't seem like he had a body at all. He was just an entity, in this strange black space. As his panic began to rise that he didn't have a body, or at least, a solid one, flickers of light drifted in front of him and he no longer felt so alone.

"Merlin." The voice was familiar.

"Merlin." And again.

"Freya?"

"Hello Merlin."

He smiled despite himself, and his heart warmed at the sound of her voice. "What's happening?"

"You are dying Merlin. And that we cannot have." Her voice seemed so upset, like she had watched the entirety of the event from afar, but struck by the same grief as all of his friends in Arthur's chamber.

"I know. Believe me, it isn't what I wanted." He dropped his voice. "Even though I deserve it."

"Do not be so harsh Merlin, you do not deserve this. All that you have done, all that you are prophesied to do, are miracles, and truly wonderful, just like you."

Her voice became clearer then, and as it did, the lights banded together and formed her smile, then her eyes, her face and eventually, her body.

"There you are." Merlin said, raising a ghostlike hand to her identically ghostly face.

"You should not be here Merlin, this is not your destiny." A pearl drop of a tear fell down her face, reflecting the same light that seemed to be her.

"I thought our fate was written? If I was meant to die today, then I am exactly where I need to be. With you."

"It is, but fate can be changed." Merlin began to say something, but she giggled and interrupted. "No Merlin, destiny cannot be I am afraid. You are bound to Arthur, just as he is to you."

"But aren't they the same thing? Fate and destiny?"

She laughed again. "Oh Merlin. I would have thought Kilgharrah would have explained all of this to you."

"He might have done, but when he gets all riddle-ey I tend to switch off."

"Destiny has finality, events work themselves out in order to end in a certain way. It is your potential, your greatness. Fate is a power, or entity that predetermines and orders these events, it is what's meant to happen. With someone as powerful as you, there is not just one path, there are many threads and all of these can intertwine thousands of times over. You may have been fated to die when you drank from the poisoned chalice, but Arthur saved you. Maybe, Gaius should have died the day you met him, but he didn't, because of you and now he has helped you on so many occasions. And today, you were not meant to die, but to show Arthur the light, the truth. Destiny is where you end up, where the story ends, but fate, that is how you get there, and one slip of a fixed act only alters your journey."

She paused as Merlin took it all in, his blue eyes wide open. "Maybe what happened this day is a blessing from afar, now he knows, everything will be easier, be better, for both of you. Do you see? The end is still in place, but whether you go left or right to get there is up to you."

Slowly, he nodded. "I think I do. Thank you."

"You are welcome Merlin." He shivered, he always did love the way her accent curled around his name.

"So...you say I'm not meant to die, yet here I am, dying."

"Are you?" A playful smile tugged at the corners of her mouth.

"You were the one who said it, so yeah." He meant it, but he joked with her, he always could with Freya.

"You were. Right up until your magic fused with nature's strongest energy."

His brow furrowed in confusion. "Have you been hanging out with Kilgharrah?"

Her gorgeous locks flowed as she shook her head, once again laughing. "No. The lightning. You know magic and energy is in all of nature, you can feel it, in the trees, in the creatures, even in the rain. And the most powerful of that, is in the lightning."

"I do always feel more alive in a storm." He noted.

"Exactly. And when such a force reacts with magic, it can do wondrous things."

"But how could it have? I mean...my magic..." Merlin trailed off into very very deep thoughts, with a pained look on his face that resembled Gwaine being told he wasn't allowed any alcohol.

"Don't hurt yourself Merlin." Gently she placed her hand on where his wound should have been. "Excalibur was struck, was she not? And her blade was still alive when it entered you. The sparks are still in you, jumping all around, in all of your veins, in your heart, everywhere. Can you feel a buzzing? Or hear a crackle?" He nodded. "Then that's it."

"I feel..." He looked for the word. "Immense, and alive, truly alive."

"That would be your magic, at its height. Had Arthur fatally injured you with any other of his swords the power from the storm fusing to your magic would maybe have been enough to give you a few more days, maybe even months, to say goodbye, but they would have been painful and tiring. Yet, with Arthur using Excalibur, it did something, it reacted with the dragon power embedded within her, the thing that makes her so strong. There is not one positive explanation, some say the storm energy counteracts Kilgharrah's energy, cutting it off and making Excalibur an ordinary sword for a short while, or some say that the three powerful energies weave together, forming a bond and that bond is so powerful your wounds heal and you get to live. Whichever way you look at it, you are blessed, for if this set time changed, only by a few seconds, and Excalibur hadn't been struck, I wouldn't have to be saying goodbye to you, I would be soothing you as you gave in to your injuries."

"So, if this has only just happened, how come there are 'theories' as to how I..._will_...survive this?"

"Set events remember Merlin, the fates and elders have been studying possible outcomes for hundreds of years, awaiting your arrival. How do you think so many know of your destiny and who you are? Soon your wound will heal, and your body will replenish the blood it has lost. Be grateful Merlin, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity."

"Unless the fates _really_ like me." A mischievous look spread all over his face, one akin to the old, childlike Merlin that first entered the walls of Camelot.

As the pair stood there, taking in one another, the image of Freya began to flicker. Neither said a word, but they knew their time together would soon be up once again and they would have to say goodbye once more. Merlin truly loved Freya, she was peace to him, hope and could have been his world. He had saved her, had shown her that she wasn't a beast and that she could be loved and that was something she had never expected; in turn, she had given Merlin that love back, she would continue to give that love back for as long as he needed her. _Always._

"This is going to hurt Merlin." She whispered, voice full of sorrow.

"What is?"

"Healing. The fusion will not be without consequence. It is not natural, nowhere near it. You've felt pain before when you've been healing, this is to be far worse. But I will be with you the entire time, I'll be right here by your side."

"So, what's going to happen?"

"You're going to fall in and out of life..."

"Excuse me!?"

Freya sighed. "Here, this is limbo, and a part of your subconscious, but every once in a while you'll move back into life, back to Arthur and your friends. One minute you will be talking to me, the next you may be looking up at Arthur. You only have to do one thing Merlin..." When Merlin nodded, for once staying silent, she continued. "You _must_ keep control of your magic, try and suppress it, or direct it only to your wound. It's going to go haywire and could hurt those around you."

"Brilliant." He mumbled under his breath.

Right after was when the first wave of pain hit, it ran down his spine, causing him to stretch up, throw back his head to the heavens and cry out. He wasn't entirely sure but he thought he heard Freya say something about 'it beginning' but her voice was drowned out by the whistling in his ears. He knew, in that moment, that this was going to test him and that Freya was right, it would hurt. Pain shot down his arms, down his legs and ripped at his chest, and when he couldn't take it, when his knees spasmed he fell to the floor, retching from the pain.

Slowly the pain ebbed away slightly and he could feel Freya knelt beside him, her hand on his back. "I won't leave you Merlin. Stay strong like I know you are." And it was with that, that the blinding agony took hold and the darkness of the room finally encompassed him.

* * *

_**I spoke of 'fate' and 'destiny' in here and everyone has their beliefs about them so I mean no offense against anyone's opinions. :) In fairness I was just thinking of Brave the entire time I wrote about Fate; but I mainly used wikipedia to get ideas about the comparison/differences of fate/destiny. I tried to make the healing/explanation of survival a little different and new (hopefully) so I hope I wasn't too absurd with it, but in fairness this is Merlin and ANYTHING can happen, so why not lightning+excalibur+magic=tadah. As normal, any questions/confused pondering's are welcome if something doesn't make sense to you.**_


	9. Volatile- 'Unstable'

_**As always I just want to thank all of you so much for reviews and your wonderful words. Normal AN applies, no beta so any mistakes my own and I sadly don't own Merlin. I split this next chapter into 2 parts otherwise it would have been 1 large one or 5/6 small chapters, but anyway I hope you enjoy.**_

* * *

The silence of the room was broken when Merlin began to whimper, at first just quick cries like those of a nightmare, but as time passed, they grew in intensity until eventually he was writhing in Arthur's arms and actually crying in pain, the tears soaking into his King's tunic wherever his head lolled.

"Oh no." Gwen whispered, knowing what was to come.

Arthur was quick to act, he got Merlin into a more comfortable position- laid on his back in his King's arms and head in the crook of his bent elbow- and began soothing him as best as he could, knowing that the pain that was to take over could not be stopped or even lessened. "I'm here Merlin, shhh, shhh. We're all here."

It wasn't long after that delusional mutterings came from the warlock, mixing in with his whimpers. At first they made little sense and Gaius explained they were no doubt words of the old religion, but every once in a while they could make out his words. "Make it stop." "Please." "No...magic...can't hurt anyone else."

Arthur's head instantly whipped up to look at the elderly man, "Gaius what does he mean?"

"I cannot say my lord, I do know know, but looking at his fingers there is magic coursing through him. He may possibly be worried it may get out of control, it has done on several occasions in the past."

The physician was right, on Merlin's hands- both the one that still held the orb and his free one- there were small traces of smoke and sparks lacing around his fingers and up his thin wrists. They could even see it in his veins, once the colour of the sky, now tinged gold.

"Arthur, I must warn you, if Merlin's powers get out of hand we must leave him, we cannot be in the same room as him." Gaius' voice was full of reluctance and dread but he knew he had to keep the safety of everyone else in mind regardless of his view towards Merlin.

It was in that moment, that Arthur promised himself that if they had to evacuate, he would make sure everyone else was out before locking himself in his chambers with Merlin, under his breath, so only his friend could hear he promised "I'm not going anywhere Merlin. I trust you, so please trust me."

XXX

"...so please trust me."

Merlin was covered in sweat, he was bent double on his knees with Freya hugging his stomach to stop his toppling forward completely. His lungs cried out for air, they were constricted from the pain, with strands of his magic wrapping around them like snakes, and to top it off, everytime his worst pain took hold he held his breath, or screamed so much he had no chance to take a fresh breath in. But through it all he heard the voice of his friend, the voice of his king.  
A moment of relief came and he was able to straighten up slightly and finally take some much needed air in. "I do Arthur..I do."

"He has faith in you Merlin, just as I do. I promise this will be over soon, I do." Merlin wanted nothing more than to just hold Freya, to kiss her and let them weep in one another's arms, but the healing process wasn't over and he knew it wouldn't be long before he was screaming again.

It was his head that next took the force, with a blinding white pain thrashing the inside of his skull, smashing at it like a smith working a sword. He closed his eyes, hoping it would relieve some of the tension, but it didn't, instead the light became brighter behind his eyelids and with the loss of something to focus on his mind was only able to focus on how sick he suddenly felt. He found he didn't even have time to groan before he was retching, the agony going straight to his stomach and causing the acid to bubble like fire.

He only just managed to hear Freya's hushed "It's ok Merlin" before his world exploded in light as he was torn apart. His stomach couldn't take it and he vomited, right where he was, once again bent double on all fours. The acrid taste was like never before, it seemed to have been heightened or exaggerated with the sensation increasing tenfold. He wished he could have some water to take the taste away, but he doubted there was any such thing in this so called limbo.

"Hey Freya...was I just sick in the 'real' world...where my body is?" His voice was already hoarse and strained.

"I am afraid so Merlin, and you are feeling the effects of your sickness more because your body isn't able to process the sensation like usual."

"Great...wait...how can I be sick here when I'm not even a body...?"

"This isn't a time for confusions and explanations Merlin, but to put it simply, your soul, here, is feeling what's happening to your body outside, and vice versa. Ok?"

He didn't have time to agree as another wave of sickness took hold, along with another new sensation. He began to panic when he realised what the sensation was...his magic._ Oh no._ The next time he started dry retching, his magic began to fly out, to shoot off in streams.

"How...do...I...stop...it...?" He managed between heaves.

"Focus on it, force it into one spot. Merlin force it to your wound, the more magic there is focused on it the quicker you'll heal and the quicker this will be over. Focus Merlin..."

The pressure from trying to focus made his ears buzz, but he swore he could hear voices talking to him, and not just Freya, there was a male voice too. As he directed his mind to his magic, one final sensation made it's way into his thoughts...his hand tingled, like he was feeling something from the outside world, where his body was, and though he didn't know why, he fixated on that feeling, it seemed welcoming and safe. For a few moments he was able to control it all, he thought only of his injuries, and his magic miraculously realigned itself to those spots. Instead of flying out it dug inwards, inside his body and began to swirl through the hole in his torso. The warmth was a blessing, it tingled, but in a good way, and a small amount of relief lit up his darkened world.

It didn't last long, the sickness faded, the headache stopped flashing behind his eyes but instead grew unbearable, and the agony swept through his body. He tried his best to keep his mouth shut, to bite down through the pain but that only caused the horrific taste of metal and blood in his mouth, Freya was speaking to him, she was trying to soothe him but he was too far gone, his ears rang, it sounded like a million sounds were rushing at him at once and his body was wracked with trembles as it tried to process or figure out just what was happening to him.

One final excruciating wave sweeping through him and his screams pierced everything in range.

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**_TBC Part 2 'Volatile- Anchors' coming soon._**


	10. Volatile- 'Anchors'

**Ok everybody thank you so very much for your continued support/reviews/comments, here's another chapter and part 2 of the 'Volatile' section- I would maybe advise re-reading part 1 then going straight into part 2, mainly because some 'Arthur' parts blend into the 'Merlin' parts (so Merlin feeling his hand tingle in P1 may be something Arthur does here in P2 ;) ). But of course it's only advice, you can do as you please. :) Normal AN, no beta so any mistakes my own and I don't own Merlin.**

* * *

Arthur held Merlin as tight as he could when the screams became too much. Only moments ago the boy had been sick, his stomach rolling in Arthur's arms and his throat bobbing with the convulsions of his muscles trying to expel the disgusting vile. Gwaine had rushed to get a bucket, ironically usually used to mop the King's floors, whilst Arthur and Leon helped sit Merlin up and get him in the right position. The trio had managed to see to it Merlin was sick in the bucket, patting him on the back when needed and clearing his face afterward. The younger man had grown weaker, his body trembling with exertion as his stomach continued to heave. For a while it continued in this manner, with Merlin dry heaving but not actually being sick anymore and the King and Knights grappling for space to rub circles on his back or pat his arms in comfort.

"He's on fire..." Gwaine noted as he pushed some of the damp hair from Merlin's eyes.

"Someone go and get me a rag and some water please." Gaius bent down in front of his ward and looked at the all too pale face as someone, he didn't know who, ran out as asked.

"I thought you said there was nothing we could do." Leon stated.

"I did. But we can at least try and make his passing easier." How the man wasn't breaking down into tears Arthur had no idea, but the closer Merlin got to death, the more of a waver the old man's voice took on. _He's dying inside and it's all your fault._

They didn't get any further though, the wet rag would have to wait as a strange sensation filled the air. No-one had a chance to ask what it was, for as soon as eyebrows rose to question the phenomena it burst forth. Flashes of light assaulted people's vision, bangs and crashes filled the silence in the room as plates, armour and vases smashed.

"It's his magic!" Gwaine was the first to figure it out.

"I told you Sire, we _must_ leave." The reluctance in Gaius' voice was clear as day but he had to make sure his King and those he cared for were safe.

"No..Merlin...control it, I know you can. Come on Merlin. Focus. Focus on whatever you need to...my voice, or...or..." He grabbed Merlin's hand in his, regardless of the risk from the magic burning throughout it. "...focus on your hand in mine."

Arthur didn't know if it was just a coincidence or Merlin's trust in him, but as soon as he took his friend's hand, the magical outburst began to dissipate. Slowly, yes, but it did, with less objects exploding, fewer lights lighting up the room and Merlin himself stopped glowing as gold as he had been a few moments before.

"That's it, you're doing so well Merlin." He didn't let go of his hand, but kept squeezing it to reassure his friend he was still there. As the boy relaxed in his arms, Arthur spotted some of the familiar golden glow around the entry wound, it was like fog, rolling up and out of the bloodied mess and traveling a small way over his body before blowing away in the warm breeze.

The relief did not last long, for he quickly noticed Merlin shaking in pain again with his jaw clenched shut as tightly as humanly possible. He was breathing through his nose, the agony evident as the breaths became more strained and harsh and his face crumpled with his brow knotting together.

"Blood." Percival said, the one word making everyone panic.

"What...where..."

"His mouth."

Sure enough, as Arthur looked down, there were small trickles of the red substance trailing from the corner's of his mouth and as the seconds passed, the stuff also began to foam between his lips, running down his chin. "He must be biting his tongue to stop himself from screaming." He pointed out to the rest of the group as Merlin's jaw was indeed clenched tightly shut.

"I thought he was calming down."

"He was, he had. But he's just starting to tremble again, can't you see the pain on his face?" Arthur couldn't take anymore of this, it was too much and the guilt was taking hold. His head became heavy with the weight of it, and the weight of his grief, so, slowly, he lowered it so his brow was resting on Merlin's once more.

Minutes passed, no-one said anything, they couldn't, for as soon as they opened their mouths the tears fell anew. The only sounds in the room were those of the storm, still going strong, and Merlin's agonised breathing. It was Arthur who noticed something worse was coming, he could feel it in Merlin's hand, and the way his body tensed suddenly beneath him; the boy had suffered all the pain he could.

He screamed.

And screamed.

And not like the cries before, this was a death cry, the yell coming from the pit of his stomach, tearing at the walls of his throat as it past through. The glass in the nearest window smashed, blowing apart and flying in all directions. A few of them were cut, but nothing serious, though Arthur didn't care, it was nothing compared to what Merlin was going through right now.

As he tried to drown out the sound, the body in his arms flew to life, raising up and grabbing the front of Arthur's tunic. He looked down, seeing Merlin's scrawny fingers latching onto the material, as if trying to grab onto life itself. Moving his gaze from the hand to the boy's face, he saw, not the usual blue, but gold eyes, and Merlin's mouth open as if trying to speak. Whatever he had hoped to say was overtaken by another scream coursing through him, though it did sound like an 'Arthur' was underlying the agony.

"Ssshh, no, I'm here, look, it's me..you're ok." He knew there was little he could do, his friend was dying and in pain, but he just wanted to try and get him to focus, and maybe then he could explain or talk to him, say the things he wanted to before it was too late. "Merlin. I am so sorry, please, please I just want you to know that if I could change things I would, and I know what you've done, I know who you are and you are wonderful, a treasure Camelot should cherish and idolize. Merlin I...I..."

The eyes met his, the golden orbs bored into his own blue ones and cut off whatever he was going to say next. Merlin was looking at him, he was here and could see him, and his eyes were so beautiful, blue or gold, they were beautiful because they were wide awake and looking at him.

"Hey." Through his tears Arthur smiled down at him.

Merlin made a sound that could have been a 'hello' but either way it was a blessing, though a small voice in the back of Arthur's mind told him this was a calm before the storm, the last few moments before it all turned bad again.

And that it was, for the younger man's face soon became pinched in pain again as he arched his back and reached for a new spot on Arthur's tunic. The reprieve was quickly over, as the magic in Merlin's eyes faded, returning them to his familiar blue, as did that which washed over him in waves.

"No..Merlin stay with me. No, don't leave us. Don't you dare, that is an order you clotpole." Arthur watched as Merlin crumbled, his body ragdolling once more in his grasp and eyes closing. He whispered one more thing as tears traced fresh tracks down his face and he pulled Merlin's head closer than ever to his own chest and neck. "Please don't leave me."

Once again, Merlin was at the mercy of unconsciousness.

X

He just kept screaming, there was nothing he could do but cry out. It was a strange thing, screaming, why did you do it? Why didn't you laugh or just simply cry from pain or fear? Surely there were other ways to let the agony out than to tear your throat to pieces?

Merlin was pretty sure that while everything was happening, he was also losing his mind, questioning the wonders of the universe as he died and asking questions like why on earth people screamed when they were in pain! As well as questioning life, he thought he could hear the same old storm that had been raging when all of this happened and see familiar images of Arthur's chambers, of the open window, of the familiar bed and the faces of those he loved. He couldn't even tell he was screaming anymore, he was just numb, but he felt his free hand reach out and grab whatever he could. As his senses came back to him and his screams died, he felt the recognizable material of Arthur's tunic, rough yet damp from the heat under his calloused fingers. The man above him shifted, and he was talking, saying things to him yet his addled mind couldn't make out a single word, not until the words '...you are wonderful, a treasure Camelot should cherish and idolize. Merlin I...' and that's when his world clicked into place again, and his mind caught up with what he was seeing and hearing and his burning eyes found those of his King. ARTHUR! The cry within his mind was full of joy, because in those few seconds he knew Arthur was no longer mad, he was crying and he was apologizing and pouring his heart out to him.

"Hey." Arthur smiled down at him once he'd noticed he was fully awake and, near enough, staring at him.

_Say something you idiot._ The voice, surprisingly, wasn't his own, it was Freya, speaking to him from limbo and she was currently laughing her head off at how tongue tied he had suddenly become. _Excuse you, 5 minutes ago he wanted me dead, I have a reason to be a bit lacking in the talking department._ He thought back to her, hoping the message would convey. What he heard next could be described as nothing more than sarcastic mumbles, _Bit more than 5 minutes Merlin._ It was then he realised some of his inner ramblings were spilling out into his mouth and only at the last second was he able to- sort of- say 'hello' instead of some witty retort to Freya.

For a few seconds he was just staring up at Arthur, relief flooding his every cell to see that face. The last time he had properly seen Arthur he was furious, absolutely disgusted and broken with mistrust, but now he just looked troubled, yet calm. Not calm in the general sense, but the type he took on, as King, in dire situations, where he had to keep his knights or his people assured. And that's why his troubled look was heightened ever so slightly, he was a coiled spring, or a riled horse, placid for the time being but about ready to shoot off given the opportunity. Merlin had always been able to see Arthur's deepest feelings, and right now he could see how his friend wanted so much to stay happy and relaxed during the sorcerer's passing, but also wanting so badly to race off, take his sword and smash whatever dummy or target placed in front of him out of pure fury and regret- just like when Morgana had been dying from severe head injuries, _you mean when you nearly killed her, again!_

Merlin prayed to talk to Arthur, to beg forgiveness or to, in turn, forgive him- not that he felt any of this was his King's fault anyway. Though Freya had told him he was healing his current state didn't do much good in proving that, he felt like death itself and couldn't help but think this was just his last lucid moment until darkness took hold forever. _Please just let me talk, let me tell them things are ok_...it was at that moment his body and magic decided to play a little more, and the heat rising in his stomach, moving to his chest and heart, and his head threw all plans of conversation out. He felt his face naturally taking on a pained expression, and his hand shaking to grab more of Arthur's tunic, until eventually he couldn't hold it in any longer and his back arched. It felt like a dagger had pierced his spine, burning with fire and sending shockwaves up and down his body. He could feel his magic fading, it wasn't lashing out, which was a blessing, but it wasn't directing to his wound either, it was just washing away to nowhere. He felt the rush leave his eyes, retreat from his heart and as it did, his world starting turning darker again. The images of Arthur began to blur, he could no longer hear the words spoken by his friend though he could see his lips moving and, finally, his body became numb once more.

Bliss.

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**Why do I keep doing this to Merlin...I can't stop and it's becoming a real problem. But from here on out things will begin to improve. :) see you soon.**


	11. Goodbye's

**_Another chapter, although slightly short again I'm afraid. Thank you forever for all your reviews you lovely people! :) Normal note applies, no beta so any mistakes are my own and I don't own Merlin. Hope you enjoy._**

* * *

"Merlin..."

"Merlin..."

"Merlin..."

The voice didn't help deviate the calm sensation currently enveloping him, it was like getting to sleep after days of unrest, or finally laying in his own bed after a huge quest and having to rest on the forest floor. His body no longer hurt, and his magic was once again flowing naturally through his veins, if he let his mind drift, it wouldn't at all seem he was dying...or had been dying?

"Do not make me slap you Merlin."

Well charming! Bliss over then."You wouldn't."

Freya laughed as she placed her hand in his, spurring him to open his eyes. He was back in 'limbo'- he still didn't like that word or the idea of it, it felt too unrealistic to him. But regardless of his opinions, he was there, the darkness still surrounded them, but this time it swirled with faint blue mists.

"Are those wisps?" He asked, reaching out to touch one, though it quickly jumped away with a faint hum.

"They are."

"I'm not even going to ask..." Not wanting to swear, Merlin had had enough of this nonsense, and thinking about why wisps were currently floating around limbo was going too far for him. The pair laughed, knowing just how fed up of all this magic Merlin was for one day, and at how relieved they both were to finally be at an end. The pain had gone, and the next time Merlin awoke he would be truly healing, with his time to return to his life, to his destiny.

That was when reality hit him. "I don't want to say goodbye again." Merlin gasped, his laughter stolen from him.

"I know, neither do I. But I will be happier knowing you live and that you are safe. We will see each other again Merlin, you know we will." Rising on her toes slightly she pressed her lips to his. His own body was becoming whole again, solidifying where he stood, so her ghostly lips were freezing on his own, and her hand on his abdomen stung, but he welcomed them, they were soothing- especially from the heat building up.

"What's that heat?"

"I believe you are in the middle of a storm Merlin. Do you not remember me mentioning the lightning half a dozen times?" The smile on her lips tickled his cheeks as they stayed in their position, in their embrace.

"Huh. Oh yeah."

"Goodbye my dear friend." As she stepped away, her hand still lingered on his wound, the cold becoming so intense it burnt, but as he looked down, little frost bitten threads stitched themselves into his skin and the hole began to close. The wisps surrounding him all moved at once, forming two long parallel lines starting from Merlin and trailing off far into the distance. It was a pathway, a runway for him to follow, his own version of the blue orb, guiding him to safety.

"Goodbye Freya."

Walking away was harder than ever before and he held contact with her for as long as possible, their fingers brushing one another before breaking apart, his legs taking him past the wisps and further still. The last thing he did, was cover his eyes. The light was blinding.


	12. Reprieve

**_I really wish I could show you guys how much I love your reviews and kind words, but I can't so I'm just going to constantly tell you all until you get sick of hearing it...THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU. Normal things apply, no beta so any mistakes my own and I sadly don't own Merlin. I hope you enjoy this chapter and the last few ones coming soon (cries a little)._**

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"Goodbye Freya."

The room rose to attention, having fallen into chairs and onto beds as they mourned for their friend, knowing he would never awaken again.

"Who's Freya?" Gwen asked, looking at everyone hoping for an answer.

It was Gaius who did. "She was a girl close to Merlin's heart. He loved and cared for her very dearly."

"What happened to her?" Gwen whispered.

"She died. Merlin buried her and grieved on his own for her, she had no family or friends. Only him."

"Oh poor Merlin. Oh..." Elyan took his sister in his arms.

"Sorry to change the subject." Percival suddenly walked closer to the pair on the floor, before kneeling down where the blue orb still pulsated. "But does this seem to be getting brighter and quicker to anyone else?"

Elyan asked what everyone seemed to be wondering. "Quicker?"

"Yeah, before when it pulsated it was really slow, but now it's doing it more often, in fact, it's almost like the beats of a heart."

They all looked to the light, even Arthur, and saw that the knight was right, whereas before the 'heartbeat' of the orb was less that a few a minute, it now thumped every second or two, exactly in time with their own heartbeats.

Arthur's senses perked then, as something he hadn't felt before roused him. _Heartbeat._

"Merlin?" Slowly, he shifted the body in his arms so he could see the face better. Although there didn't seem to be much difference there was a slightly added colour to his cheeks. And now Arthur looked, he wasn't in pain anymore, he looked peaceful. _That would be the death._ And his eyelashes fluttered...they fluttered! "His eyes! The lashes. They're moving!"

"Probably your breath on them sire." Gaius reasoned.

"No. No, it's not. And his heart, I can feel it, I can feel it through my shirt. It wasn't there before but...it's in rhythm. Oh god it's in rhythm."

By this stage, he was in hysterics, his sentences were short and made no sense, he was blurting random points out with no explanation of what he meant and his free hand flew all over Merlin, touching him wherever they landed.

"Arthur what? Rhythm?" Gwen spoke to him like he'd gone mad- maybe he had.

"The orb. _His_ orb. It's pulsating in time with his heart."

The group still weren't convinced. Gwaine stepped forward, "Listen, Arthur, you're just upset, you're guilty about what you've done so your conscience is playing with you, trying to make it all seem ok."

"Shhhh."

"Did you just shush me?" Gwaine pressed, pointing a shaking finger at his King.

"Firstly I can shush you if I want, and secondly...no."

"What?"

"No. I did not shush you." Arthur was agitated, he wished Gwaine would get off his back, at least until all of this was over.

"Shhhh."

The room was silent, all looking around at one another and in turn shaking their heads. Just as they began to panic, a soft sigh of content was heard, one that had finally gotten the peace it had asked for. Shortly after the sigh came a deep laughing, one bursting with joy and bewilderment. It was Arthur, his head thrown back and tears, for once of happiness, streaming down his face. He most definitely had lost it with grief...

"I said...shhhhhhhh."

"There is no way I am shushing when you're alive. No way."

"You're so loud. You all are." Another flash and crack of thunder and then, "and can someone please shut that window."

By now, the room had all realised what was happening. The voice was Merlin's, and it didn't seem pained or weak or lifeless. Yes, it was slightly quieter than usual, and held a hint of fatigue along with the obvious hoarseness to the throat, but it was chipper, and oh so much like the Merlin they remember.

"How in the...? Merlin?" Elyan celebrated.

"Not you too. Please, my ears are really sore, could you keep it down?"

"Oh and about the window...I'd prefer not to melt to death thanks, if I did, you'd be the one cleaning me up." Arthur joked, nodded to the window to iterate his point. "It's still boiling."

"Eurghhh." The sorcerer groaned in disappointment. No-one dared celebrate too early, not until Merlin moved of his own accord, shuffling off his King and rolling- not so gracefully- onto his back on the stone floor. Arthur noted that as he seemed to come to life more and more, his orb dimmed before extinguishing completely.

"It's real. Please tell me this is real." Gwen squeaked from her side of the room.

"I'm still not sure myself Gwen, but he does seem to be complaining like his usual self..." Gwaine replied.

"Hey, I don't complain that much." Another crack of thunder. "Eurghh shut up!"

"_Mer_lin? You're shouting at the weather."

"I know that _Art_hur, I just hoped it might listen and magically..." _Stop_, he was going to say, but then it must have hit him, he'd brought up magic, and Arthur assumed the boy wasn't sure where he stood with the current events and emotions.

"Don't worry Merlin." He nodded at his friend. "We have things to discuss but as of right now, we're ok, everything's ok."

Gaius knelt beside his surrogate son, who had now sat up, looking into his eyes and checking him over like any of his patients. "How are you feeling?"

"Surprisingly ok. My stomach hurts a bit but that's just because it's still mending itself."

"Well you still look handsome mate." Gwaine winked at him. "So, you have magic then. A part of me always wondered. The guy on the bridge said something about strength and magic, that helped a bit too..."

Merlin blushed and looked towards the empty fireplace. "It's not all bad you know."

"We know...well I do. Everyone else will too, soon." Arthur patted him on the shoulder but he was still looking at the unburnt logs. Gently, he lit one. It was too hot to light the entire thing and even one let out an extra warmth that wasn't needed. But all the warlock needed was a few sparks and some smoke. His eyes turned gold again as a shape emerged from the flames, first making a sword, then a crown, then a cloak of Camelot until finally settling on the Pendragon crest. The dragon hovered, suspended in the air with the smoke wrapping around it, like ribbons, dancing in the breeze. It was beautiful, or at least to Merlin it was, and made him feel safe. To the left Gwen let out a surprised gasp, and although Merlin himself couldn't see it, Arthur watched his expression change as he sensed the gasp was more of wonder than shock or fear and when they turned they saw her eyes glazed over with tears and her hands over her mouth.

"Merlin..." She whispered before rushing over to him and throwing her arms around his neck. The dragon fizzled out in seconds as his concentration was broken and the small log burnt down to nothing.

"So, you like it?"

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_**He's AWAKE! I know some of you have been waiting ages for him to come back so I'm sorry, but he's here, he talking, he's sassy and he's showing off a little bit. :) I think we have another 1 or 2 chapters before the end!  
I am currently trying to add another final chapter as I thought I finished the story off a bit sudden but I'm not sure how it will turn out...so...my point is...I'm not sure actually. Ha. But I think my point is if I take a while keep badgering me to get a move on. :) Anyway, shush me, hope you are all ok! Take Care. x**_


	13. Reality

**_Thank you so much for reviews, as always. We're nearing the end but still a few more chapters so I hope you enjoy. Normal notes, no beta so any mistakes are my own and I don't own Merlin._**

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"Like it? That was the most gorgeous thing I have ever seen." She cried, eyes ablaze with wonder and hands flying out in excitement.

Merlin knew then, he knew that everything was going to be ok. Arthur hadn't said outright that he was safe, but he was willing to talk, and he had seen all the good that magic can be. His closest friends, more like his family, had seen him do magic, they had giggled and smiled and even cried at the beauty of it but no-one had seemed to have anything bad to say about it. For now, Merlin and his magic was safe, it would be discussed at length, probably put through a few tasks or trials to make sure it could be trusted, but what mattered most was Arthur's opinion and as far as he could tell, it was a very high one.

"Ok." He finally said, after zoning out into his own thoughts- which may or may not have worried his friends a little at how long he was tranced out. "My bum's numb."

"It's like all those times your little bottom got sore on the horses, poor Merlin's bum not cut out for long rides." Arthur babied, messing his friend's hair once again.

"Yeah, it's not as big as yours."

"You know, you could come up with a new comeback Merlin, that one's getting a little old."

"Ha. Ha." The sarcasm was right back in Merlin's voice, a very welcome thing indeed for all around.

"You do know you're cleaning all of this up don't you, you did smash a few things. Oh, and the window's coming out of your pay too." Merlin looked towards his King, face in utter shock.

"I was near enough dead!"

"Stop with the excuses Merlin, it's always the excuses. If it's not the tavern then you were dying..." His King swallowed heavily, his joke hitting a sore spot of guilt. Though Merlin, and probably everyone else in the room, could see how hard Arthur was taking this, and how much regret he was to carry forever more, no-one mentioned it. The time would come for conversations and apologies, but not now.

"Come on then, let's get you up." Gwaine stood in front of him, offering both his hands for Merlin to take hold of, and when he did he quickly pulled him up to full height.

"Are you sure you should be doing that?" Gwen asked, still by his side.

"Yeah. I'm fine, really." Yet as he took a step, he felt the cold stitches of his own magic move and rip slightly. "Ow...owowowowow."

Nearly everyone in the room rushed towards Merlin as he doubled over, grabbing the first thing he could reach (which happened to be Gwaine's hand) and moaned like he'd been freshly stabbed. Slowly, he fell towards the floor, hunched over and head leaning on the knight's chest. His shaking hands were both gripped tight onto his friend's tunic as the pain took over. Drips of blood mixed with tears painted the tiles below him and Gwaine took him in his embrace, trying to lull the sobs and trembling that had taken hold. A fresh patch of blood had soaked into both the front and back of his own shirt, and it didn't take a genius to figure out he had probably moved a little too quickly.

As Gwaine rolled him over to rest on his chest, Gaius lifted his shirt to examine the wound. "You've ripped it open again, you moved too quickly."

"Sorry." He muttered under his breath, like a naughty boy who'd been caught running in the library.

"There's no sorry about it Merlin, you should be more careful. None of us can go through that horror again." Gaius let go of his shirt, knowing the boy's magic would be fixing it soon enough.

"Me neither, it's not the most comfortable feeling in the world. Still isn't actually." He winced, already feeling his magic pooling around the wounds, or was that his blood?

_Well Freya didn't warn me, I'll just blame her._

_Oi, I heard that mister!_

The final strands of connection between the pair snapped, with her laughter echoing as she faltered and receded. Merlin thought for as long as possible about her face, outlining every curve, every line of laughter and painting her as on a fresh canvas. The smile eased the pain a little anyway.

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_**No, don't worry, I'm not putting him through anymore pain, these were just a few final drops of blood. Poor lamb. **_  
**_See you soon. :) _**


	14. Serenity

**_Thank you so so much everyone! Penultimate chapter, nearly there. Normal notes, no beta so any mistakes are mine and I don't own Merlin._**

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It was a silent confirmation between the group that they needed to get Merlin comfortable where he could rest the night and heal properly, so, as they moved and Gwaine picked him up bridal style, there was no objection from the boy, only a slight hiss of pain as he was moved.

"Best get you to a cell then..." Arthur joked, but mentally kicked himself as soon as he did so, what was he thinking saying something like that right now!? After everything they'd just been through! "Shit...no, I didn't mean that, I can't believe I even contemplated saying that...god Merlin I'm so sorry."

"You're in luck Princess, he's out cold. But I'm still going to make you pay for that on the training ground tomorrow."

"You can do whatever you want Gwaine, I deserve it after tonight."

They took Merlin to Gaius' chambers and laid him in his own bed. Most of the group stayed in the lower room so the physician had space to move, all except for Arthur, who stayed by his servant's side, moving him when Gaius needed and helping with any task he could. Together, they turned Merlin onto his side so the exit wound could be cleaned and bandaged, and the same for his stomach wound. Gaius did so with precision and so much delicacy that Arthur lost himself in watching, the strokes of the damp cloth over his friend's blood stained torso was like watching a fire burn long into the night, hypnotic and peaceful. And as the wounds slowly began to heal themselves, Gaius placed one final protective bandage around his body before they laid him down once more to sleep. He looked serene, laid there pale faced and sound asleep, and if it wasn't for the rise of his chest and the flickering of his eyes beneath their lids Arthur would think him dead again, and he couldn't imagine that, not now, for he knew those nightmares would haunt him for months if not years to come.

"We've done all we can sire. It's up to him now." Gaius collected his things and began to leave the room, but not before placing a placid kiss on the boy's head.

"May I stay with him?" The king almost whispered.

"Of course." The old man had almost left the room when his head rounded the edge of the door. "Oh, and sire...thank you. I know this is hard for you. Merlin means the world to me and I can assure you he is no threat. He is my life and if anything should happen to him I will not be far behind."

Arthur nodded, taking hold of Merlin's hand. "I know exactly what you mean Gaius, I don't think I could live without him either. He is a part of my family, my home and my life, just as you and everyone else in that room is. And I trust you with my life and the safety of the kingdom, all of you."

The door was closed a few seconds later, leaving the king and his loyal servant alone. It would be hard to explain to everyone else, hard to describe what he had seen, but he was king, he would prove to them Merlin, and (some) magic, was to be trusted. Merlin would be safe and a most important part of Camelot's future, a part of _his_ future. After a few moments more of contemplation, Arthur mirrored the movements of the physician, leaning forward and placing a caring kiss on Merlin's brow.

"Please forgive me." He whispered, his lips still brushing his friend's skin as he spoke.

Then he moved his head so his own brow touched Merlin's. "I couldn't live without you old friend."

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_**See you soon. Probably Tuesday, maybe earlier depending on my own timetable and possibly your kind words ;)  
**_


	15. Hereafter

_**Ok then, here we are, the end* to our tale. A few notes at the bottom regarding my views of the plot etc but for now, thank you so so much for your continued support, or if you're a new reader thank you anyway, and thank you for any reviews or comments of kudos left I appreciate them and you so much. I thoroughly hope you've enjoyed this and I haven't let any of you down too much. No beta so any mistakes are my own and I don't own Merlin**_  
_***Alternate ending coming, explained later***_

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It was days before Arthur could think straight, and once he could they began procedures to change the view and attitude towards magic; the days melted into weeks, which in turn developed into over a month. It had been decided between the close knit group that they would tell their people of sorcerer's not fitting the mold of the stereotypical vengeful spirits, that such people wanted nothing more than to help care and save the Kingdom and its people. What was not spoken out loud, was _who_ had changed their mind. It was common opinion that there would still be those from Uther's system, completely against all magic regardless of what their new King said, and they did not wish any further harm on Merlin. Arthur's speech spoke of someone who had opened his eyes to the wonders of magic, and just how beautiful and bountiful it was in the right hands, he had explained that there were indeed sorcerers out there who's only intention was to help all in need as opposed to those who saw it for their own gain and revenge- he couldn't mention Morgana's name, it hurt too much, but he knew all his people understood who he spoke of. A number of the crowd rejoiced, obviously having some connection to magic or one of its users, others just cheered in celebration and a small number grumbled and walked away before he had even finished speaking. Of course, he explained to them that there would still be laws to abide by, and that they would still take the subject of magic and sorcery very seriously, if someone were found to be practicing dark magic, they would still be sanctioned, and every practitioner had to declare themselves so as to be written down and recognized of their abilities.

Over time he would explain in detail, but he himself still had to learn more, and had to figure out just where everything was headed from now on.

It had been nearly a full cycle of the moon since he had returned to his quarters, the memories far too strong. In that time if he had needed something he would have sent someone, a close knight usually, with the keys- he had even locked it up so no-one was to enter. Everytime he closed his eyes he could picture the room, the smashed glass, the abandoned armour and cloth strewn around the room and worst of all the huge, now dried, puddle of Merlin's blood. It had soaked into the stone floor and would no doubt ever be able to be scrubbed out, leaving traces of the horror for the rest of eternity.

As he finished his speech and began walking back into the castle doors, he looked up to his royal chamber. Something was different, but for a few seconds he couldn't put his finger on it, up until he stood on a shard of glass, the piece crunching beneath his boot. _The window._ His window had been smashed in one of Merlin's magical outbursts, or had it been when he was screaming the heavens down? Now, he returned his gaze to where there should have been an empty hole, where he should be able to see the curtains swaying gently in the now cooler breeze. But instead he saw glass, fresh clean glass...and a silhouette. As soon as his gaze locked on it the shadow moved from behind the curtains and back into the room. Once his subjects and towns people stopped talking to him, mostly in delight at the changes, he banded up the stairs and into the castle, racing towards his room regardless of the questions asked by worried knights. All thoughts and worries of having to enter the room had gone, he needed to know who was in there and why. Was it a thief taking advantage of his royal belongings left alone? Or just simply someone observing the room? And _when_ had the window been replaced, he had no recognition of ever been spoken to about that.

As he entered the corridor he knew, he just knew, he did not need to get his key from his belt, a feeling told him the room would be unlocked, and sure enough as he turned the handle it swiftly opened. In less than a second his eyes fell on a hunched figure on the floor scrubbing away; suddenly everything seemed back to normal, like this was any other day where he had come back from the training grounds to find Merlin on hands and knees cleaning his floor. Managing to prise his eyes away, he saw that not only was the window back in place, so was all the armour, all the tattered bedding and objects that had been scattered around. There was absolutely no sign that anything had happened here. At first Merlin had jolted, back straightening, at the sound of the door flying open, but now he had returned to scrubbing silently.

"Merlin?" Arthur asked, voice calmer than it had been in a long while.

The young man turned around, face covered in sweat and muck, particularly on the brow where he must have wiped it with a dirty hand. "Oh, hey. Did the speech go ok?"

"I think you know it did Merlin, I am pretty sure you were listening." He walked forward pointing to the window where he now realised he had seen Merlin listening to his declaration. He removed his slightly dirty boots so to not scuff the hard work, before perching himself on the end of the bed staring down at his friend.

"Hmm...yeah." Although they had spoken and forgiven one another since 'the event', Merlin was still sometimes shy around Arthur, particularly if he'd had a bad nights sleep or didn't feel very well. So the short sentences came as no surprise once he noticed the slight tremble of his friend's hand and greying circles under his eyes.

"Bad night? Or not feeling well again?" He sat forward, bending slightly and clasping his hands together.

Merlin looked at him from the corner of his eye, scrubbing momentarily stopping. "Dreams." A pause. "And a headache."

"Then talk to me." He was no longer a king, he was a friend, a worried friend at that, and it made him smile to think he always managed to turn off his regality around Merlin.

"Normal. Your father came back, tried to burn me but you ended up on the pyre instead for betraying him. I had to watch you burn and..." He closed his eyes. "I couldn't, I couldn't save you, or anyone. He turned on everyone, on Gaius, on Gwen, Gwaine, all of them. I just stood there. And when I looked down there was a spear through my gut, but it was nothing to the pain of watching you all die, hearing you scream. Then it goes silent, the only sound is my blood, just dripping and I wake up screaming, usually in Gaius' arms."

In front of him, Merlin buckles, his head drooping to his chest and hands shaking. In one movement he's on the floor, in front of his friend, taking the brush from his hand and wrapping his own arms around the still slightly skinny torso of his best friend. "I...I know your father wasn't that cruel, but my dreams make him a monster and I'm sorry. And I'm sorry for ever putting you in this situation..."

"Merlin, how many times do I have to tell you, I am glad this has happened. Obviously not the stabbing and nearly losing you part but I'm glad I know, I can change things, and I can already feel things going the right way. As for my father, no, he wasn't as cruel as some people make him out to be, but I can assure you, had he been here today, you _would_ be on the pyre...and I would be doing all in my power to get you off."

Silence as Merlin's sobs quelled to nothing and his shaking stopped. "Now..tell me exactly why you're here cleaning my chambers?"

He shrugged in Arthur's arms. "Someone had to do it. And I was getting bored."

"No wonder you have a headache if you've been running about. Plus, I thought Gaius had you doing small jobs for a few more weeks?"

Merlin rolled his eyes, now sat up back to the position he had been originally. "I haven't been running about, besides, most of this mess is mine so... And yes, I'm supposed to be staying in to help Gaius but I do not understand why, I healed ages ago."

"He's just looking out for you. I think the whole thing scared him more than he let on."

"I know it's just...I think the whole cooping me up is making me worse."

Arthur nodded. "How about you come back to work for me a bit then, just a little bit everyday and if he says something I will speak to him? OK?"

Merlin nodded, suddenly going back to his scrubbing. "I'm not sure this blood is ever going to come out of the floor, but I'll keep scrubbing at it for a few weeks to see if it does. Until then I've moved that rug from beside your bed to here to cover it, I think it looks ok doesn't it?" He nodded again. "And I replaced the window. OH and I had a word with Marcus the stonemason to see if he could replace this tile if I can't get the blood out..."

"Merlin...Merlin...you're babbling. And did you pay for the window?" When his friend nodded he threw up his hands. "What for!? I'm King, Merlin, I can pay for my own window."

The two lapsed into silence, though it wasn't uncomfortable. Arthur spoke up after a few minutes of looking around the room. "Maybe I could get the whole floor replaced, there are quite a few blood stains from over the years, plus my servant does a terrible job at getting the other marks off of it."

Merlin smiled, and so did he. "Good idea, but I won't be paying for it, and maybe if you weren't so mucky when it came to eating I would have less stains to scrub up. I mean really Arthur, if you eat soup or gravy make sure it goes in your mouth and not on the floor..."

Arthur caught his friend's head in a lock, scruffing the black curls, the pair laughing like they had done so many times before. It was times like these that Arthur knew they were going to be ok, since he had hurt Merlin they had laughed occasionally, or joked about the other once or twice, but it had been strained or over quickly, yet now, they sat until they lost themselves in the afternoon sun, laughing and talking as if they were adolescents once more.

Eventually, the pair were struggling for breath and holding their stomachs. "Ha..haha...I think, I think I'm supposed to be doing Kingly duties..." Arthur struggled to get out as they tried to calm down.

"Mmm, yeah, and I should get back to Gaius, he'll be worrying about me soon, well, more than he usually does anyway."

Arthur looked at his friend, at the blue eyes darting around the room with tiredness growing within them. He looked at the more pronounced cheekbones that had surfaced when Merlin's eating habits had altered during healing, and at the chapped lips roughened by the salty tears falling onto them. Though the other man had stopped sweating, the muck still clung to his face; instinctively, Arthur reached for a clean rag and fresh water (coincidentally Merlin had laid both out by the side of Arthur's bed, probably for him to use as a quick wash before resting) and began gently rubbing at his friend's face. The muck came away smoothly and showed the porcelain skin he knew so well, highlighting the eyes that bored into his own.

"Why?" Merlin whispered.

"Why what?"

"How come you trust me and care for me so?"

He chuckled slightly, "Honestly Merlin, I have _no_ idea. But I'm going to continue doing so for as long as I live. As I will with Gwen and all of my knights." Once the dirt was gone he put down the cloth and sat with his back to his bed. "Besides, isn't it written that we are both sides of the same coin. Now, I may not know everything, but to me that just screams how much we have to look out for one other."

"Hmm." Merlin raised an eyebrow and smiled.

"Now go on, get going before I have to throw you out."

Both men stood up and grasped one another's forearms, it was a common action over the past few years, a symbol of trust, of promises, and devotion. Not just a servant and his King, but best friends, almost brothers. Merlin laughed then, "Don't I get a hug?"

It was a boot to the backside that had Merlin racing comically from his King's chambers and Arthur shouting and swearing after him, throwing a jug and an old apple towards the disappearing form. "Hey!" Merlin's voice echoed from down the hall. "I just cleaned in there!"

Arthur Pendragon, King of Camelot, stood on the spot laughing and listening as the laughter of the sorcerer receded down the hall out of earshot. Finally he looked around, eyes falling on the dark brown patch on the floor. Looking at it gave him shivers, it haunted him and if he focused hard enough he could imagine Merlin's deadly body laid there. Out of all the emotions he felt there was one he had not expected to feel looking at the stain; determination! The horrific event was a turning point in all of their lives and so, as much as he knew his mind would resist, he moved the rug back to beside his bed, leaving the mark open for all to see. It would be a reminder, of times past, of changes and of a new era.

The era of Albion, of Pendragon: The Once and Future King, and of sorcerers.

And in this era, no more unnecessary blood would be shed!

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_**When writing this fic I never had a 'ship' in mind, as I know the divisions within the Merlin fandom can get a bit testy sometimes, so I've written it (hopefully) to placate the Merthur and Arwen shippers AND Merlin/Arthur brotherly friendship fans, depending on how you read into it, and whilst I haven't actively mentioned Arthur/Gwen I have implied occasionally that she means something to him, so I hope you're all happy with however you read into the relationships. :) I also hope I've answered any questions but if not please message or comment and I'll try to answer as best as possible. **_  
_**Earlier on in this story I had a few comments/messages saying about if Merlin died it would teach Arthur a lesson etc and whilst I always planned on saving our dear sorcerer I decided to hurt my heart (and yours hopefully) and write another ending which will be uploaded soon- obviously you don't have to read that at all if you don't want, or you could skip the happy ending and move onto the sad ending, whichever floats your boat. :) Anyway, shut up me, see you soon and take care you wonderful people.**_


	16. Alternate End-Farewell

_**Ok then, here we are the alternate ending and my final chapter for this story. If you wanted to start off from the right point in the story it carries on from chapter 6, 'Memories', the beginning of chapter 7 is used as the beginning of this AE. I wanted to put more detail and effort into this but in the end I couldn't, mainly because I couldn't bring myself to kill Merlin and my energy had just sort of dimmed for it, but I am sort of happy with the angst I managed in this section. I also have a possible one-shot off shoot idea to this but I'm not sure I'm going to write it, if I do I'll somehow let readers know. Anyway, thank you so much once again for continued support and reviews etc, I have enjoyed taking the journey with you all and take care! :)**_

_**Normal notes, no beta so any mistake my own, I don't own Merlin and for this chapter only...Warning: Major Character Death.**_

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Through the light, the darkness ebbed away, the cold grew back into the heat of the storm filled citadel, the sounds that consumed him were crashes of thunder, weeping from his friends and his own grief stricken sobs and as he opened his eyes they fell on the now wet (from both tears and sweat) hair of Merlin. From the corner of his eye a light glowed and pulsated like a dull, weak, heartbeat, and as his eyes roamed the room he set them on the same old blue orb, perched firmly on Merlin's open palm. His breath caught in his throat and was taken from him as if he'd been hit in the stomach. One final memory flashed across his eyes with the lightning, Merlin, it had been Merlin guiding Arthur out of the cave, even when he had been wracked with fever, when he had been unconscious, and most important, when he had been dying.

"It was you. All of it...was you." He whispered, his head still leant on Merlin's.

"Sire? What just happened?" Leon asked, pulling Arthur from his reverie.

"I honestly don't know how to tell you without it sounding utterly ridiculous."

"Try us. 'Cos all we saw was the two of you covered in what I can only assume was magic and then you seemed to fall into some deep sleep or something." Gwaine was still angry, that much was certain, but now his voice was laced with the slightest hint of worry, and not just towards Merlin.

"I think I was in his memories. All of them, or at least the most important ones where he saved me, and all of you, my father too, gods, even Morgana. Everytime he used magic to help us, I saw it, I felt his fear and sadness when he had to kill someone. All this time I thought I had a burden to carry but Merlin...Merlin's is almost the weight of the world."

Gaius stepped forward, it was clear he wanted to watch every breath Merlin took, but he forced himself to look his King in the eye. "So you know all he has done? You know the truth and accept it?"

"I have been blinded by hatred Gaius. All this time I was taught to hate people like Merlin, without knowing them. Had he told me the first time I met him I would have killed him instantly, but now, now I know him, I know _him_, it's all so different."

"Yet you still ran him through."

"Gwaine!" Leon warned.

"No." Arthur corrected. "Gwaine's right, I did. And if I could change anything in my entire life it would be this, most definitely this!" His free hand swept back to Merlin's hair, tangling his fingers within it and just ruffling the locks, both in comfort and grief.

The room fell silent, all occupants thinking over their time with the young man and how important he was to them. More tears fell as the thunder continued to crash and the lightning lit up the dark shadows already forming under their eyes. There wasn't much time, Merlin's pained breaths were growing worse and the pool of blood forming under the man and his king was now too much, everyone knew they would soon have to say goodbye to their brother.

"Are you sure there's nothing we can do? No potion? No magic?" Elyan asked, still with Gwen in his arms.

Gaius shook his head, never taking his eyes off his ward. "Nothing. The sword was forged in a dragon's breath, the strongest known object to kill a warlock." As he spoke, the old man's voice broke and cracked, letting his emotions race through and it was only Percival's quick reflex that saved him from falling and doing himself damage. His legs gave out as his heart broke for the boy who had become his son and the stoic expression of a physician shattered, becoming the face of a father who was about to watch his only son die.

It didn't take long for Merlin's body to begin convulsing, the pain so intense taking hold and every part of him shook. He began coughing up blood and soon started struggling to breath as his lungs and stomach filled with the liquid. But what was probably most painful for the group to watch, and most surprising, was how the orb in his hand began to slowly dim, to grow weaker and pulsate at an even slower rate than before. It was devastating to watch, as the light of the room, the light of their friend's soul, diminished as his life drifted away.

"I never got to say I was sorry." Arthur whispered into Merlin's hair. "I never got to tell him I accept him, that his magic is a gift or that he is a gift. All this time I was horrible to him, I was mean and I teased him and what if he dies thinking I hated him?"

Gwen had somehow managed to make her way over to them, her trembling legs helping her find her way, and as she leaned down to Arthur, kissing him on the head she said, "He knows you cared about him, and he knows the teasing and joking was because he meant something to you. You do it with all the knights, he'll have known."

"But not that I don't hate him...after I saw his magic and shoved a sword through his gut..." His anger washed over him again, though this time not at Merlin, but at himself. "I swear Merlin, I will do what is right, all in memory of you. _For you._ I'll put things right, even though I'll never be able to put _this_ right, to fix this."

"Sire, I think you should tell him he is safe, and what you believe about magic." Gaius managed, quite seriously, between sobs.

Nodding, Arthur laid Merlin so they were face to face, even though the blue eyes of the sorcerer were closed, just as they had been for a while now. "You are safe Merlin, no more harm will come to you or anyone you care about. Gaius is here and I'll look after him for you, and Gwen, and your mother. And Merlin...I know now, magic is not all bad, some of it, like yours, is wondrous, it's mystifying and a gift to be treasured. I just wish I'd known that earlier."

Once again the room lapsed into silence and they watched as the orb slowly dulled down to a faint speck. One by one, they gathered around the bodies, latching onto Arthur and Merlin until they all hugged one person or another. If it weren't for the grievous situation, the sight would have been beautiful, an ocean of bodies, with every person showing their love and devotion for the others.

They stayed that way for a long time, and it was only Leon's grim comment that broke them apart. "Sire, the light...it's gone out."

As they broke off, one by one, it revealed Leon had been closest to Merlin and that the shining blue orb had, indeed, disappeared. Arthur swallowed hard, his first instinct was to get Gaius to check Merlin, because he couldn't bring himself to do it, but his second sense reminded him this would be hardest on the physician, and making him check for a pulse on his own 'son' was torture in its worst form. With every muscle refusing as best they could, he lifted his arm to the smooth skin of his friends' neck.

His own heart dropped, he felt sick to the stomach and he was petrified he was going to drown from his grief and tears. His throat didn't work, only bobbing up and down as he fell apart, the grasp of death wrapping around his neck as if the mythical being was stood behind him having just taken Merlin's soul and releasing one final act of revenge for his actions. Breathing, he found, was a luxury.

"Arthur breath...breath..." His senses fell apart, he didn't know who it was talking to him, the voice registered, but with no name attached and his eyes couldn't focus on a face, the only thing he did feel was Merlin's body being taken from his arms and someone holding him up to try and have him focus on his breathing.

The final thing he felt was the cold hard guilt that settled in his gut that he knew would sit there for the rest of his life.

X

It was 2 days later they gave Merlin a send off. They gave him a true druid burial, the same Freya and Balinor and Lancelot had been granted (according to Gaius), that would allow his soul to be freed and at its most peaceful. As they made their way to the Lake of Avalon they were joined by Hunith, having being retrieved by Percival and invited to say goodbye to her son. Arthur couldn't look at her, he daren't look her in the eye even though they never mentioned it had been he to kill her son.

_"An accident...Merlin was seriously injured, there was no time to tell you before but it was a quick death. He didn't suffer."_ 'Very much' had been left off of Percival's message, knowing that telling a mother that her son had had a painful and slow death was not going to help matters.

They reached the lake, it was beautiful, and more picturesque than Arthur could ever have imagined. The trees lined the perimetre on all sides, reflecting into the pearly water, creating dancing shadows all over. Leaves were just starting to fall for Autumn, having being prematurely knocked off by the battering storm 2 days before. They littered the beach leading down to the water's edge and brought even more colour to the scene.

"I know I shouldn't ask, but is it a miracle there's already a boat here?" He heard Gwaine ask Gaius soon realising himself that there was indeed a boat lapping at the waves.

"There always is, they know when one is needed." Gaius pushed forward and went to join Gwen further ahead, leaving Gwaine to mouth _'they?'_ to himself.

Everyone was quiet as they laid Merlin's body in the boat having adorned it with flowers, ferns and offerings; they also graced him with a dagger, though no-one really knew why. Stepping back, the group allowed Gwaine to give the boat its initial push to begin its journey and as it did Elyan shot a flaming arrow. Meeting its target the boat was ablaze in seconds, complementing the warm oranges and reds of the trees.

Beside him, Hunith broke down, along with Gwen, the two women holding onto one another as they watched the boat float off onto the horizon. Arthur himself couldn't take anymore, so he turned around and made his way towards the horses. He would allow the remaining friends to grieve on their own.

X

It turned out there were many within Camelot who cared for Merlin too, for when the news circulated that the beloved servant had been mortally injured a group formed in the courtyard- not unlike that for his father a year or so before- holding flowers, candles and offerings in remembrance of the life that had touched their own. Because that's what Merlin did, however small or insignificant an action, he managed to get into the hearts of all that had the pleasure of knowing him, he helped them, he cheered them up on their darkest days and he left an imprint that would now slowly crack and instead leave a scar. It did nothing to help Arthur's guilt, for now not only did he have the pain of Merlin's mother and friends on his shoulders, he had the pain of all of his own people.

Shortly after their return they gathered in the courtyard, surrounded by knights, courtiers and townspeople, all focused on the ceremonial pyre in the centre. On it lay a red rag of cloth. To an outsider it was a disgusting piece destined only to wipe the shit off their boots, but to all observing it it was precious, it was symbolic, it was _his_. The scarf lay atop the mound of logs and sticks usually awaiting a body, and the people stood around all paying their respects with offerings in their hands and tears in their eyes.

Arthur was meant to give a speech but he could not, so instead Leon spoke for him, the strongest voice of all their friends during the hard time. Though he could not speak he took it upon himself to light the fire, to help send Merlin off for Camelot, and as Leon's speech became a white noise in his ear he slowly stepped forward, setting the second memorial alight.

Time was lost as he froze, standing at the foot of the pyre, watching as the flames took over for a second time. He was only just aware of the people around him slowly bowing and disappearing, going back to their lives with heavy hearts. The sounds of the courtyard dimmed as he became the last person standing there, only the burning and crackle of the flames breaking the ghostly silence.

_"I'll protect you or die at your side."_

_"I will be your servant until the day I die."_

_"You are my friend, Arthur."_

It was probably his imagination, the grief causing him to lose his mind, but as a sudden breeze passed through the courtyard, blowing the fire and ashes of Merlin's scarf into a whirlwind right in front of Arthur, he swore he heard a faint whisper.

_"I'll still be with you until the end, dear friend."_

It is at that that Arthur's legs buckle beneath him and he weeps one final time for Merlin. Not because he is over it- he will _never_ be over it- but because his heart hardens from disgrace and responsibility.

This...Merlin...would be the last innocent blood shed. No more unnecessary death, no more grief.

The age of Albion, of the Once and Future King, was here, and things were about to change!


End file.
